i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
