hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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