Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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