those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
