I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I looked at my own cervix.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
