you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
