i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
