Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
