Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
