Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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