you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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