May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
