Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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