You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
