i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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