i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
