My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
