I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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