oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just pee around me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
