hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
