38 yer olds are good kisserssss
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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