that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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