There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
