you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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