Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
