Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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