I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
