I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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