I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
