Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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