i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
