Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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