Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
