I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
