Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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