just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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