The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
