apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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