I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
