Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
