When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
