this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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