Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
