Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
