its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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