You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
