she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
