take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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