I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
