life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
