Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
