I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
